Restless

Teen witch

2011-11-10T15:19:00.000-08:00

Grand plans

2011-11-07T19:04:00.000-08:00

I know I rarely post serious stuff here these days, but I'm feeling at the current moment that if what I'm increasingly wanting to do is write about what is happening in the world in regards to politics, media, and social justice (not in that order), maybe I should start paying more attention to what is happening and attempt to start writing about them now. It's also helpful that the only people who read this blog are me and boyfriend, (hi there) so I can sound like a complete tool to begin with and no one will really care, after all practise makes perfect right? I might even move all of my inspiration stuff to me and Xin's old fashion blog just to make everything seem more coherent, but will see how this whim goes.

So to start of with on this adventure, I just wanted to say how happy I am this lovely afternoon that we finally have this Carbon Tax. Although I admit I'm pretty vague around the details of the plan as are probably a lot of other Australians amidst the haze of media and political conjecture on this issue, sometimes to the point of farce, I still think this is a brilliant step forward for a country that has one of the highest per capita emissions in the world and hopefully one that will mean substantive changes in our future. Despite all the people crying the end is nigh on this one (starting with The Federal Opposition) I also think there is genuine happiness among many people about this baby step which was fought so hard for by activists, politicians, and concerned citizens.

Hopefully what we see from now on is a gradual acceptance of these reforms and an orderly progression into being a more 'green' country, but time will tell eh? As a comment on the ABC news website reads: 'the sun will come up tomorrow'.

s-a

Article from the ABC: http://www.abc.net.au/news/2011-11-08/carbon-tax-passes-senate/3652438

2011-11-07T16:31:00.000-08:00

Jennis Li Cheng & Thomas Wilfred, something a bit less teenage girl centred today.

s-a

Ambition

2011-11-05T17:10:00.000-07:00

Glauce

2011-11-05T16:20:00.000-07:00

s-a

Teenage dreams II

2011-11-02T04:08:00.000-07:00

click through for source

The Craft

2011-10-31T16:38:00.000-07:00

Tumblr girls

2011-10-29T17:13:00.000-07:00

Good morning, some inspiration for today, hopefully I will actually do some work instead of listening to my PopAsia playlist.

s-a

Should not be allowed on ASOS

2011-10-27T04:19:00.000-07:00

I am so not allowed to shop online until I have a job, that will not end well. On the other hand those shoes are only $60...

ann

When I grow old

2011-10-23T17:27:00.000-07:00

Done.

s-a

Comics

2011-10-23T01:32:00.000-07:00

s-a

Hair

2011-10-20T17:13:00.000-07:00

I'm thinking I'm going to dye my hair pink after exams, that's probably the one colour I've never had, also I've still got a fair bit of lime green left so I might put some streaks in it eventually. The things that make me excited.

s-a

2011-10-17T02:15:00.000-07:00

This is the template for my Summer

Ann

You drive me crazy but I love you

2011-10-16T17:21:00.000-07:00

A bit of my recent photography (all self-portraiture of a fashion), because it's my blog and I can.

s-a

Fetish

2011-10-15T01:30:00.000-07:00

Took the day off to relax and ended up feeling a bit shit and sorry for myself, but that's alright. Spent a whole lot of time researching fetish costumes for future games with Isabelle (I do love dressing up).

s-a

2011-10-04T05:45:00.000-07:00

I don't just blog about life very often here any more, mostly tumblr bares the brunt of my whining, but tonight I'm making an exception. I feel pretty good today because I was actually productive yesterday in more or less starting and finishing a 1300 word essay (even if it did take me till 2:15 in the morning), handing it in on this beautiful sunny morning and having chats with a few friends, finding out my braces will come off at the end of the month and I'll be subjected to the tyrannies of the retainer instead, and then just loafing around for most of the day catching up with things that interest me on the internet. I'm not looking forward to having to get up and go to my tutes tomorrow as I've been pretty consistently ignoring my uni work recently, probably more than is good for me, but it's really time to get back into it; I'll start working on the next essay tomorrow that's due sometime next week, and also the one due 4 days after that if I can, which hopefully won't leave me entirely pulling out my hair, dancing doesn't start till next week at least.

I have a lot of school work to get through, but I feel so inspired to do things this Summer. I feel like I'm getting on top of my anxieties a bit more now, at least if not in how I fit in with others then how I understand myself. I've been doing a bit more art lately (I have a new notebook which makes me happy) and the Summer holidays are going to be such a good opportunity to get it all into gear. 5 more weeks people, count it out with me.

This is some of the art I've been doing tonight, to end with:

Night folks, feeling hopeful for once.

s-a

2011-09-22T22:02:00.000-07:00

I haven't done an outfit post in a really long time, so I figured I might as well indulge, plus you get to see what a crazy mess my room is at the moment. This is the outfit that became of the inspiration of the last post, friendship bracelets and all.

Skirt: garage sale; Shirt: from mum; Hat: from Sportgirl (maybe); Tights (sheer white with polka dots, not pictured): mum's from the 80s; Shoes (brown hiking boots, not pictured): Wittner; Bracelets: handmade, found and gifted.

s-a

Why I'm not offended by having my gender questioned, and don't want to be

2011-09-04T08:24:00.000-07:00

A funny thing happened the other day and I wanted to blog about it for posterity. Last Wednesday morning I spent the better part of half an hour writing Facebook comment of about 600 words on issues we should be aware of when discussing gender in regards to the problems facing transgender people, I then went to uni and thought nothing of it (except worrying that the length of the comment might turn off people from discussion). When I returned my dear friend Isabelle informed me that seemingly as a result her host-brother in France contacted her through Facebook for the first time in 20 months asking about me: "is she a real girl? or like a boy who became a girl? because she look like a boy". Now, this is where it gets interesting for me; we both found this development entirely hilarious and I proceeded to run off to dancing, amused, and told the story to my class, the difference here was where I laughed these girls seemed a awkward and almost concerned about the whole thing, one of my dance teachers asking if I was 'acting girlie' now because of it and the others just sort of didn't say anything and I let the whole thing drop.

To be honest, I was a bit wary about bringing it up in the first place because people generally speaking aren't used to talking about these kinds of issues around sex/gender discrimination (especially, not to stereotype, if you're a teen in the outer suburbs of Melbourne) so I try to choose carefully who I talk to things like this about, but that aside I was still caught off guard by their reactions. What really struck me about it was the implicit idea that I should've been hurt by the idea that I could be mistaken for a boy or a transgender person, and on the other hand it really made me think about how I've changed as a person since I've really started getting into ideas of gender/sex politics, because to be honest 3 years ago I probably would've had a comparable reaction at having my gender questioned like that.

To explain for those who don't know me that well (by which I mean for my future self and posterity's sake), I was always quite a shy only-child which along with other factors led to me being very self-conscious and later having very bad body-image issues, as a young teen especially. When I was about 13 or 14 I went through a period of extended sadness that though not diagnosed could probably be classed as Depression, and also spent a long period skipping all possible meals in order to lose weight and very briefly making myself vomit which once again, thought not diagnosed, could probably be classed as Bulimia. I hated myself emotionally and physically for a really long time and never expected to be loved by anyone, and it took some really good friends and a brilliant first boyfriend/later friend to get me out of it the worst of it. On top of that, after I dealt with the inevitable breaking-up of that first and subsequent relationship (the first the most gut-wrenching, the second continually important considering it's sort of still going) I read a book from a friend called The Great Feminist Denial, this book was my introduction to feminism and since then (to sound like the massive feminist cliché that I am) my views on things have changed fairly dramatically, most relevant being my image of what bodies are beautiful and acceptable.

In the 4 years since my first involvement in GLBTI issues and 2 years since reading that book, I've made myself become far more versed in issues of sex/gender, more accepting of different body types/presentations and hopefully as a result my own, and more sensitive to the issues faced by people who are transgender, so pretty naturally I was not offended by someone on the other side of the world looking at my Facebook profile photo and judging that I could've been a boy. But weirdly, when confronted with what was now a stunning reaction from the girls in my dance class I sort of felt a niggling sensation somewhere in the back of my mind that forced me to remember that I am still insecure about how I look sometimes, that I often don't feel that I have a beautiful face, that it's still sort of worrying to have someone say that you could be a boy (because who loves girls who look like boys, right?).

But you know what, quite frankly, my ultimate reaction that thinking is simply: fuck that shit, I don't need crap like that floating around in my head. If anything, what this says is that I've come a long way in my thinking and I am so proud of that, and unfortunately there is still a lot of work to do in getting people who are otherwise perfectly nice to think differently about the world, especially among girls who have it so engrained practically from birth that they have to be beautiful and womanly (whatever that means at the time) in order to have a good life.

Well, I think that's the extent of my rant tonight, hopefully that got out everything I wanted to say.

Women and girls

2011-08-27T17:13:00.000-07:00

Childhood

2011-08-24T04:24:00.000-07:00

2011-08-22T04:12:00.000-07:00

Colour wheel

Teenage dreams

2011-08-20T02:28:00.000-07:00

White

2011-08-16T04:01:00.000-07:00

s-a

Cuttings

2011-08-15T05:06:00.000-07:00

The afterthought of chimes
filters in from next-door.
I am under the echo, not
listening so much as noticing
it from time to time as
I look over the results
of my landscaping and
weeding from a white
wicker chair.

An errant vine has sprouted
two blue flowers
where it reaches
roots of the lemon tree.
They are beautiful;
I am suspicious.
Are they a diversion,
an entreaty to keep me
from cutting back the vine?
I’ll keep the flowers,
put them in a saucer
by your bed.

s-a

Connect

2011-08-13T18:02:00.000-07:00

I am a sexual subject, not object.

2011-08-01T05:18:00.000-07:00

I think I missed large parts in this, I was going to post it on tumblr but I don't feel confident enough about the argument, feels like there are so many holes, I will just leave it here and peruse it later.

So today when I got dressed I casually put on a pair of thigh-high stockings, they were black and opaque over my 'skin-coloured' ballet tights worn for the dual purpose of keeping me warm and accentuating the art deco pattern of the other stockings. I put them on because I love their design (I share a love of art deco aesthetics with my parents) and the sort of vague allusion to burlesque/cabaret styles, because I think they gave some dimension to the rest of my outfit and because, in short, I like wearing them. However as I walked down the relatively busy roads to the train station this morning, passing motorists seemed to be of the impression that my intention in wearing this outfit was to illicit honking from their cars and trucks, that I was sending some sort of message inviting strangers to treat me as an object of indiscriminate sexual advances.

What actually upsets me about this is not so much the multiple individuals that have done this before (this being one of several similar incidents to have happened to me over my teenage years), but the fact that generally speaking this is seen as acceptable behaviour, behaviour which flows into the greater criticisms and limitations of how women can express their sexuality through their actions and particularly their clothing.

Immediately after this little blip in my day I sat down on the train to read my gender studies reading for the week and in it I found the answer to a question I had long been asking in an excerpt from Emily Maguire's book 'Princesses and Pornstars'. Maguire points out that regardless of whether a woman is encouraged to dress like a 'slut' through representations of other women (in music videos for example) or told to 'cover up' by more conservative sources in the name of modesty and morality, often the dominant culture implicitly and explicitly treats women's bodies as an objects of male desire rather than as tools for expressing their own sexuality, the old trope of the dangerous seductress or 'femme fatale', and herein lies the problem.

This assumption has been ever present and quietly persistent in the debate on the 'sexualisation', or more accurately 'pornification', of modern culture that has been raising moral panic all over the place from conservative writers to feminist voices. Although it is true to say that mainstream culture has recently appropriated many aspects of what was formerly the exclusive domain of the pornography and sex industries, the danger in these discussions is to characterize women both as dangerous gate-keepers of sexuality on the one side and poor victims of patriarchy on the other, and in that never allowing for the possibility of them expressing their OWN sexuality rather than just reflecting and reacting to the sexuality of males and subsequently the culture as a whole. Deep in this argument is the implicit assumption of the dichotomy in which women lack sexual desires and men are sexually insatiable, a stereotype that I think is not only offensive to both sides and down right wrong but potentially dangerous when we explore how rape culture flourishes by putting the responsibility on women to protect themselves and not 'invite' rape through how they dress/act rather than teaching all people about what respect and consent truly entail.

Along with denying the agency of women in not even acknowledging their potential for sexual desire, this way of looking at actions as being static, culturally defined displays of sexuality is deeply problematic. To begin with, as I've already said I did not leave the house with the intention of being jeered at today, but that is what some people took as the message of what I wore. The meanings attached to any item of clothing are numerous, for example a short dress may be worn purely because the wearer thinks it looks good or it's a warm day, a head scarf may be a religious symbol or may be a hark back to a 60s Hollywood aesthetic; each person attaches their own complexity of meaning to how they display themselves as well as how they perceive others. To say that a singular item of clothing or length of skirt denotes sexual intention is like saying giving you a hug means I want to have sex with you, it's overly simplistic and just completely absurd. On the other hand that is not to say that some items of clothing don't have particular meanings attached to them as a result of cultural context or that no one uses these meanings to express themselves, but I would suggest that this in itself is not dangerous as this should not be an adequate expression of the entirety of oneself, or likewise a means of over-riding a person's own voice.

The problem therefore is not in the meanings attached to the clothes themselves but in that it is acceptable to judge people based on their clothing choices and to harass them accordingly, especially where harassment ranges from being labelled as a 'slut' to blaming women for assault against them through what they wear and what this supposedly signifies. It is only in a world where a woman's sexuality is characterised as dangerous and tempting that these discourses allowing violence against women and dismissing women's sexuality can live simultaneously with the capitalistic world of porn culture that has flowed into the mainstream, giving us a glimpse of a very pervasive but narrowly defined and thoroughly heteronormative view female sexuality that many people find both offensive and restrictive.

However, that is not to say that all aspects of the 'pornification' of our world should be rejected or that they are the cause of this cultural bind women find themselves in. What really struck me about Maguire's dissection of how this change in culture has impacted women's choices and the environment surrounding them is that she makes the very apt distinction between women as slaves to the sexist, heteronormative porn culture to those who use elements of our modern cultural climate to express their own sexuality, and to me this is an extremely important distinction. This view gives women back the agency that is sorely lacking in this argument, and though you could probably debate for days on how implicit the effects of society are on shaping the minds of women to want to act like 'sex kittens', I don't think it's a very feminist idea to say that all women should (should being the key work here) reject all aspects of our 'pornified' culture when that could mean at the same time abandoning the tools with which they express their sexuality. After all, as the internet has clearly shown that almost anything can be made sexual if that is the author's intention, and contrariwise not every action taken from its original context in pornography is meant as a display of sex, or importantly as an excuse for harassment and shaming. Thus we should not be blaming the porn industry entirely for creating problems in how we view women’s sexuality (particularly in the mainstream), but instead unpack our assumptions about women’s sexuality and the taboos that lurk around it.

This is ultimately what I mean when I say I am a 'sexual subject'; I am an agent of my own sexuality, and if I choose to display that by walking around in lingerie or wearing heels that does not automatically mean that I am a slave to patriarchy, or that I'm a 'slut' (whatever that means), or that I deserve to be singled out on the streets, it just means that that's how I choose to express myself. The desire to emulate parts of culture derived from sexist pornographic roots does not make me a bad feminist, or for that matter a bad person, it is just a reflection of growing up in this culture and finding pleasure in expressing myself through certain aspects of it. This argument is one I’ve been trying to put into words for a while and I think I’ve left big holes in the connections of paragraphs, but hopefully the main points are clear.

2011-07-25T07:36:00.000-07:00

Inspiration again

Lonely.

2011-07-24T17:28:00.000-07:00

I may be romantic.

2011-07-22T04:13:00.000-07:00

2011-07-21T18:32:00.001-07:00

“I never felt open in any way. I would never impulsively ring people and assume that they’d want to see me, or just go ‘round. I always had to sit down and think very hard before I knocked on anybody’s door. And consequently, I never really knocked.”

—	Morrissey

s-a

Witchy winter

2011-07-19T21:18:00.000-07:00

Couldn't help myself

s-a

Turn me on

2011-07-17T00:29:00.000-07:00

And then the cage comes down

2011-07-15T05:44:00.000-07:00

s-a

Oh, and by the way

2011-07-14T04:53:00.000-07:00

I have the coolest friends.

s-a

If I'm ever in Asia

2011-07-12T19:17:00.000-07:00

Just saying.

s-a

In the pretty twining light

2011-07-09T03:32:00.000-07:00

Just a few buys from today and me looking like an idiot, went op-shopping for the first time in a while and made out like a bandit. There are more photos than I care to upload here on my tumblr page.

Otherwise, I'm pretty well, I think my face is still swelled a bit, at least I hope so because I have such a baby face at the moment and I kind of hope it doesn't stay this way forever. Oh well, time will tell.

s-a

It's only 5:20

2011-06-27T12:18:00.000-07:00

and I'm already hungry. I'm not allowed to eat or drink anything before the surgery, so of course I woke up thirsty. I've had a shower and am sitting here in a crisp, fresh pair of pajamas, ready to be taken to the hospital in about 25 minutes.

It took me about two hours to go to sleep last night and then I had a dream that I was going to a party (it was presumed that Zorro's theatre/uni friends were throwing it) via public transport, some tram line that doesn't exist in real life. Along the way there and back I saw people I knew, Tyler, Alice Berkeley, Emilie, Emily Kruse, Lucy getting off the tram. We said and did various things. I walked back from the party through the suburbs for some reason to do with stealth and saw my parents at another house to our own, they weren't supposed to see me. My subconscious is doing weird things today, though I'm surprised my dreams weren't more surgical.

I'm going to think of a million things I could've written here once I go, 15 minutes left (I hate starting a sentence with numbers, commas instead). I would hope to make a friend in hospital but I'll probably have a private room so that's no fun, but I should have plenty of visitors tomorrow, I hope I'm vaguely coherent and able to enjoy it.

Last night I had a sudden urge to travel, to go to New York or anywhere in Europe and just take in new sights, even though I know I won't be able to travel like that for a while, the earliest being next year if I get my butt and my marks together to try and do exchange or something, as per usual that requires effort. It's just that there are so many places I've only seen in photos or heard about from friends/family who have visited; I also feel like I've been in this place too long, that I've spent too much time wallowing in my own life, I felt the need to just do something different, get out more, see something amazing. Having said that I get the feeling once I get better and I start really hanging out with the people I've known forever and the new friends I've met I'll probably start feeling excited about things again, probably do things that are different and amazing, at least that's what I'm hoping.

In the meantime I've got books, too many books, packed in my back. By that logic I'll spend the whole time in hospital watching Foxtel I know it.

Leaving in 5 minutes. I guess I should probably go now, go find my coat and my stuff. There really isn't much else to say (but I'm sure I'll think of something later). I hope I feel good enough to write by tomorrow, like I said before we'll see, it's too early to really think. Maybe I'll try and keep some notes in my notebook for that should be entertaining.

Good morning everybody, talk to you soon

s-a

Going into the hospital tomorrow

2011-06-27T03:50:00.000-07:00

I'm a little nervous, restless. Listening to the Talking Heads.

I don't really know what to say any more; I feel a bit like this thing has finally snuck up on me and tapped me on the shoulder, I'm a bit surprised and a little incredulous, 'What? It can't be happening now! What time is?', a bit like when you're little and you're having fun and you're mother comes to tell you you're going home, 'But it can't be that time yet, just five more minutes!'.

But, of course, it is time now, and it'll all be alright. I'm not sure how much saying that is for me or for everyone else (when I've heard other people say it so far, it's always seemed more for them than for me, it's a bit funny really), I think it may be half half. Really there's not much else to say. I won't feel anything till after the surgery, and I don't know how much pain I'll be in, probably not too much because I have faith in the hospital's drugs, and then it's just lying around waiting for the recovery to do its stuff. It's not extremely exciting. I will try to keep updating though and I should have internet access in the hospital so we'll see how that goes.

I think I'm going to head off now, not really much more point in me writing here, I think the more I think about it the more I'll over think it you know? There's not much that I can do but bring what I have to bring and wait for whatever will happen to happen. Maybe that sounds a bit, I don't know, deterministic? I'm not sure. I just don't see any point in worrying about this, it'll will only make me act like a moron, and there are so many people looking out for me and being nervous enough already that I think I'm right.

Well, I've rambled on enough. I'll keep in touch and leave you with this:

s-a

P.S: It's 10:12 pm, one last thing before I go to bed. As I was walking around the house, looking around, thinking about all that is about to happen, it suddenly struck me how much I am loved by some of the people around me. My parents have spent the day cleaning the entire house for when everyone comes over and I don't think it's ever looked so immaculate, so many of my friends have said they'll visit in hospital and come round after the surgery when I'm bored and need rest, my Oma called to wish me good luck and my uncle sent me a txt, so many people have been worried about me. It's really quite a beautiful thing when you think about it. Alright, I'm off to brush my teeth and pack now.

P.P.S: I packed a stupidly superfluous amount of books, as per usual.

Crystalline

2011-06-25T19:17:00.001-07:00

I am quite happy about this song, not even happy, pleasantly serene.

s-a

2011-06-23T22:09:00.000-07:00

Baby

2011-06-22T18:07:00.000-07:00

Shiny

2011-06-20T16:52:00.000-07:00

I want my chest pressed to your chest, my nervous systems interfere

2011-06-20T07:18:00.000-07:00

I think I'll wait another year.

2011-06-19T03:19:00.000-07:00

Tavi

Restless

2011-06-18T02:51:00.000-07:00

2011-06-17T17:46:00.000-07:00

This video, I explode, or melt, I'm not sure

We float

2011-06-17T17:39:00.000-07:00

This post is extremely gorgeous, go check it out and be merry (will probably post again soon, sit tight, though I doubt anyone reads this)

This is me today

2011-06-11T21:23:00.000-07:00

Scruffy, in my pink nanna jumper from Savers.

s-a

Shiny tawny gypsies

2011-06-11T00:48:00.000-07:00

Fine line

2011-06-09T18:16:00.001-07:00

These daydreams, these daydreams

2011-06-07T17:29:00.000-07:00

Cosmic war

2011-06-07T07:08:00.000-07:00

2011-06-05T03:24:00.000-07:00

Friends with P.

My thoughts on SlutWalk

2011-06-01T21:55:00.000-07:00

(Sorry this is a bit dodgy, I wrote it at about 2am while I couldn't sleep and some of it is a bit odd but I will just edit it for days if I don't post it. Here internet, enjoy:)

Last Saturday I attended the SlutWalk rally in my home-town of Melbourne, and I can sincerely say that it is one of the best experiences I’ve had at a rally. The honesty and diversity of the crowd/speakers really blew me away, and it felt so encouraging to know that there are people out there feeling the same things as I felt, caring about these issues. Though I must say, for me the true value of SlutWalk was not the actual experience, but what I learnt from it.

As being a moderator on The Feminist Network (a feminist discussion group on facebook, as anyone reading this will probably be aware of) I have been a part of many discussions lately on the legitimacy of SlutWalk, and through these lengthy discussions about morality and reality I have always justified my support of SlutWalk for various reasons: it’s a fun, positive way to get a ‘new generation’ (of which I find many people frighteningly seem to think we have already reached equality) interested in feminism, a way to re-enforce the idea that women should be able to express their sexually freely (or failing that, as freely as men), a way to break-down socially engrained stereotypes and expectations of women, I could go on. But personally, it wasn’t until the actual day of SlutWalk that I felt that I really got what it was about; while listening to the speakers (who were excellent by the way) and reading all the signs, it finally clicked for me that what SlutWalk is really about is realizing that how a woman dresses and acts actually has nothing to do with whether or not she is raped. To me this is pivotal to understanding SlutWalk, the point that without understanding it you cannot hold a proper discussion on the value of SlutWalk.

After all, a lot of the dialogue that I have experienced which has been against SlutWalk has been based on one of two platforms: that it encourages a dangerous way of acting for young women, or that it doesn’t do anything to help ‘real victims’ of rape and abuse. To explore the first argument, you must first understand the underlying assumption that somehow it is the way a woman dresses/acts that causes rape. This is categorically untrue; statistics show that most often women are raped or sexually assaulted by someone they already know, a partner, friend or even a relative, furthermore a lot of rape occurs when a woman revokes her consent once she has already given it, which is a no less legitimate form of rape than any other as it is still violating her right to sexual autonomy (also the reason why I think phrases such as ‘cocktease’ are so dangerous in our common sexual rhetoric, but that’s another thing). In these situations, as with all rape and sexual assault, it is not about what the woman was wearing, her sexual history, or whether or not she was ‘asking for it’, it is about being in the room with someone who does not respect her right to give/withhold consent.

Knowing this and applying this to the society in which we live and love, the second objection to SlutWalk seems much less stable. A society which suggests that a woman brings rape upon herself by being 'too sexual' is a society which ultimately encourages rape by not addressing the issues that foster it and make it extremely difficult for victims to get justice, this is why we use the term ‘rape culture’. Instead of telling girls how not to get raped, we should be re-enforcing with men and women (who constitute a 1-9% minority of rapists) that rape is not ok under any circumstances, we should be telling EVERYONE that they always have the right to decide when/how/with whom they will have a sexual experience, and can at any time change their minds during that experience. We should be telling young people about consent in sex education classes rather than letting them stumble blindly into sexual encounters without knowing that they always have the right to decided what they're comfortable with. We should be telling people that rape can happen to anyone, even if you’re not acting/dressing ‘slutty’. A society where rape is not taken seriously enough, where rape victims’ voices are swept under the over-arching social trend of rape-apologism, where you as the victim will be second guessed at every step of the way if you attempt to seek retribution for your serious trauma, is not a society that I want to live in. That’s why it was important for me to go to SlutWalk and say clearly that I will not stand for people using what they perceive as a show of sexuality as an excuse for being assaulted, and why I think reclaiming the word ‘slut’ does have a tangible affect on combating rape.

As much as I was euphoric at having experienced SlutWalk I know there is still a long way to go on these issues, frankly it is erring on the side of delusional (in a child-like innocence kind of way) to think that one march will silence the deeply engrained tropes of victim-blaming and slut-shaming in our society. In fact to illustrate that point, after I came back from the rally I ended up at a family party and towards the end of the night I went with some of my young male relatives to go watch planes land. While we stopped off at McDonald’s in between plane spotting sessions I happened to mention that I was at SlutWalk, and to my surprise I found that two of the guys I was with knew that it was on, and one of them even seemed reticent at missing it. I asked him if he was serious, at this point being rather shocked and (stupidly perhaps) hopeful that my Godmother’s 16 year old son from the outer suburbs of Melbourne had taken an interest in women’s issues, this was of course until he informed me that he had just been hoping to see half-naked women.

Sure, I should not have been surprised; this would probably have been the sentiment of most young males around the country if not a noticeable proportion of people in Australia and the many other countries where this phenomenon has taken hold given the calibre of the media coverage I have seen on the event. However this to me indicates the great tragedy of SlutWalk: that through all the agonizing and demonizing which it has been put through in the media, of ‘normal women’ towing the ‘unpopular’ line that SlutWalk is just capitalism in a chicken suit (as one of my dear friends would put it) and another reoccurrence of rampant sexualisation as we experienced acutely in the late 90s, I fear that the real message of SlutWalk has been lost to all but those who have been really been paying attention. From a revolution in Toronto which was made to catch the eyes of people who would otherwise accept the idea that a woman’s actions are sanction for abuse (consciously or unconsciously) has come a ‘controversial’ conversation piece used to stir up argument between people and feminists, women and feminists, feminists and feminists, in op-eds around the country in order to create some sort of scandalous dialogue as opposed to the consciousness raising it seemed to intended for.

At the same time though I believe there is a bright side, this misconception in the public eye to me is also a really important to have SlutWalk, after all by getting these ideas out in the open (even if much of the commentary is misinformed and negative) at least we have begun a dialogue. Now the real fight is to get that core message out there, that a victim is NEVER responsible for their own rape, no matter what the circumstance, and using the word 'slut' to justify assaulting someone will no longer be tolerated. To me, this is the fight that we, as those listening to the voices of victims that have been partly silenced, need to be taking up from now on, and I think given time and commitment from those that do care hopefully it is an achievable goal to get that message normalized in the public domain.

To all those that came to SlutWalk, in whatever city, I thank you kindly and sincerely for giving me faith that someday I will live in a world where I do not have to walk down the street yelling ‘yes means yes, no means no!’, because it will just be a god damn given. Like my friend said to me on the day, “You’d think it was obvious.”

(Everything in this post is mine including photos, anyone steals them and the wrath of Zeus will be upon you)

Showgirls

2011-05-30T03:45:00.000-07:00

2011-05-27T05:08:00.000-07:00

Outfit inspiration to the max

2011-05-26T01:10:00.000-07:00

On another note, my mum wants me to dye my hair hot pink, oh how the times change.

Lyyke, totally.

2011-05-24T21:04:00.000-07:00

2011-05-12T00:40:00.000-07:00

I can't even tell you how much I love this blog, honestly.

Everything good dies

2011-05-09T02:16:00.000-07:00

Youth Novels

2011-05-07T22:06:00.000-07:00

Dreams

2011-05-06T06:29:00.001-07:00

Listening to Fleetwood Mac (the Glee episode reminded me how much I actually like them, though Blaine singing to Kurt in the episode before is still ringing in the space of my mind's eye from the incredible cuteness) and being generally much more down than the last post I wrote, re-reading it has instead of improving my mood just sort of half-arsedly lessened the intensity of it. Goodness.

In summary I feel shit about not doing more work on my essay today and yesterday, the fact that apparently I just can't write essays and therefore keep getting really average marks when the people around me keep getting really good marks, that I can't organise my thoughts to justify why I like the women's room from an ideological stand-point especially considering a few of my friends keep saying things in conflict with my feelings about the whole thing, and general disappointment with some people (though that bit's less new). Despite not getting any work done I think my happiest time today was when Isabelle was over, she makes me so happy, I really love hanging around with her and talking to her, sometimes it feels like she gets me the most. Maybe I'm too dependant on others. I think I'm definitely stressing a bit too much at the moment, especially about uni; I felt much more on top than before these last couple days because the holidays had made me confident, but after some general demoralising stuff and conversations with Isabelle and our parents I just don't know if I'm really meant to be at uni, if I'm really happy there, if it's all worth it. In the end I think maybe it will be, and in the mean time I'm having some new experiences and learning things which is good, I'm just having a bit of a tough time now. I think maybe I need to think about my priorities or goals or something like that, but knowing what you want is a sure way to know when you feel to reach it.

On the bright side, I'm editing some photos I took yesterday of Autumn leaves (I simply love this time of year, Autumn is beautiful and I sympathise with Winter) and my films should come back on Monday (God willing) so I'll have a whole 5 rolls I think of new photos! These next holidays I really ought to get round to scanning my films, should poke dad about that.

I think that's enough of my bitching tonight, no one wants to hear that shit (but, unfortunately for you guys, it's my blog and I'll cry if I want to).

s-a

The Raven

2011-05-06T03:30:00.000-07:00

Good morning

2011-05-04T17:36:00.000-07:00

I'm at home today, I have a 2000 word essay due on Monday along with a philosophy assignment due Wednesday, I want to get this essay under way today so I can actually go to the last night of Abacus (Zorro's play) and not be risking handing in something shit. Also, mother's day is Sunday, should probably do something for my mum. Silly busy life (as per usual).

But basically, since I last posted something in the way of writing I've had an even more fabulous holiday/week, mainly because I've been hanging out with some of my friends and adding more to my walls/getting shit off my floor which is really happy making. Plus the opening night of Zorro's play (yes I've already seen it and am going again, hopefully) was good, excellent people were there, and my dad is taking the film to get processed today (along with like 5 other rolls that he's had of mine for ages) so hopefully I'll see within a week how the photos went, shall be interesting considering it was a bit of a crazy experiment, I'm thinking not all of them turned out but that's ok.

I'm a bit more motivated now (not right now, but generally) to do work because I know what I have to do for the rest of this semester more or less and I really do want to do well/ok/better than I was doing. I'm really looking forward to my exams being over because then it's my jaw surgery and heaps of my lovely friends have promised/begged to come over and watch movies with me and feed me jelly, and then it'll be a new semester with new subjects (at the moment it looks like gender studies, maybe philosophy because I'm getting pretty good marks, politics and creative writing if I can find a subject offered or otherwise maybe media) and hopefully a couple weeks (if I'm not too wiped from the surgery) to bum around and do cool things like camping with Isabelle and organising all my print outs and reading some of the books stacked in my room. Oh the possibilities!

Well, considering this is majorly unproductive I think I might get off the nets and go read some of my media texts to see how I'm going to actually write this essay. Fun and games.

Bye peeps, hope I'm not too boring for anyone who reads this.

s-a

Baby doll

2011-05-02T02:15:00.000-07:00

Rolling in the deep

2011-05-01T01:44:00.000-07:00

You're gonna wish you never had met me, tears are gonna fall, rolling in the deep.

Ann

Youth today

2011-04-29T01:50:00.000-07:00

Babe

2011-04-27T17:59:00.000-07:00

Polka dots

2011-04-26T02:35:00.000-07:00

Daria, I won't be soothed over, smoothed over like milk, silk, a bedspread or a quilt, icing on a cake, or a serene translucent lake

2011-04-25T01:08:00.000-07:00

Snap (Happy Easter kids)

2011-04-24T16:04:00.000-07:00

My parents got my kinder surprise and Lindt chocolate, also a Peter Rabbit toy and stickers, I don't see the need to grow up.

Hope your Easter celebrations are lovely, hope everyone's day is lovely, I'm starting to like the world more so I think I might start actually writing in this blog some more as opposed to incessant image posting which must be starting to piss any of you who still read this off. I think it will be possible to do without turning completely bitter, I might post some of poetry type stuff here as well, I don't see why not.

Also I should probably practise for when I get my jaw surgery (June 28th in case you're wondering) and I won't be able to talk for a while, I'm thinking of keeping my blog updated about it in written and visual form, maybe go full art project on that shit and go photographic/poetry/blogs/drawing/music, but I think I'll just be too fucking tired to do anything but bitch on this blog. Ah well. Thought thoughts thoughts they are a'swirlin' round my brain. Bye now!

s-a

P.S: Wow, it's been about a year since I've had my blog properly in this form, how the time flies

Tough guise

2011-04-23T02:52:00.000-07:00

Going grey

2011-04-21T04:24:00.000-07:00

Love Will Tear Us Apart

2011-04-16T17:12:00.000-07:00

Miasma: Purple Haze

2011-04-13T01:13:00.000-07:00

Ann

Girls girls girls

2011-04-12T05:59:00.000-07:00

Research for projects with Isabelle, I was thinking of trying to re-do these photos in depraved ways, that sounds like fun.

s-a

Ophelia (again)

2011-04-11T06:24:00.000-07:00

s-a

Cosmic powers

2011-04-10T17:22:00.000-07:00

s-a

Ghosts.

2011-04-06T07:06:00.000-07:00

Sugar and spice

2011-04-05T01:00:00.000-07:00

2011-04-04T00:00:00.000-07:00

Ann

Virtual reality

2011-04-03T00:45:00.000-07:00

Ann

Cat lady paintress II

2011-04-02T07:34:00.000-07:00

I cut and dyed my hair today (rather, Isabelle did, aren't we crafty?)

Ann

Cat lady paintress

2011-04-02T03:47:00.000-07:00

s-a

I'm back bitches

2011-03-31T22:25:00.000-07:00

..from the brink of going over our download limit. More inspiration posts afoot. Get the feeling I should incorporate this blog and P&R because it's sort of dead, don't think you can do that on blogger though, schade.

Ann

Infinite possibilities

2011-03-20T17:13:00.000-07:00

Ann

Pastel

2011-03-19T17:10:00.000-07:00

Ann

Self-adorned

2011-03-18T03:38:00.001-07:00

s-a

(Sorry if you're not enjoying the constant inspiration posting that my blog has succumb to, apparently my creative side has come out to play for a little while as you can see, it will probably stop soon anyway because nothing lasts with me)

Abstinence

2011-03-18T02:52:00.000-07:00

Ann

Church

2011-03-16T05:24:00.000-07:00

2011-03-16T05:10:00.000-07:00

So much kpop in my tabs, I don't know how that happened.

Ann

Those who are about to die

2011-03-15T05:22:00.000-07:00

Salutant.

Ann

"You will be hollow. We shall squeeze you empty, and then we shall fill you with ourselves." - George Orwell

2011-03-14T05:22:00.000-07:00

Ann

I love you

2011-03-13T05:41:00.000-07:00

Ann

I am in such a fucking foul mood

2011-03-13T03:50:00.000-07:00

with the world, with my life that isn't going towards anything that seems worthwhile, that I'm directionless and void of interest; I've become plain but obnoxious, obtuse but seclusive, busy but so fucking bare. I just want to run away from any oppressive structure I can think of and go to somewhere with rolling hills and people who I don't know who I can just ask to be close to, people are uni are too driven, too static and unreal and drawn out. I want to be somewhere where everything is foreign and immerse myself in something strange, buy so much film and just take photos of things, write things, read the books I want to read, walk for hours on end without worrying about everything that's going on in my life and feeling tired and stretched and shoved into little boxes.

But I want to be able to hold onto this feeling, because otherwise I'll just fall back. I'll doubt myself. I'll tell myself I was wrong and just having a bad day. Nothing will change, nothing will ever change, because this isn't even serious enough and I can feel myself slipping back anyway. I don't want to be this person. I want a private life where I can be the person I should.

manic gormless Ann

I can feel it slipping, I want to be immersed in feeling, I miss that, I haven't felt it in far too long. At the same time I want this to be whole, stupidly, a whole thing to state a point for show. Because that's what it is, a show. Presentation, not expression, where did expression go? Where did letting yourself fall into nothingness and sounds and thoughts? Where did I go.

Amanda Palmer: what, what, what are you doing?

2011-03-06T02:42:00.000-08:00

Long time no write you guys, but something made me angry (and tumblr is being a bitch) so I decided I might as well post it here to begin with. Also, I blame uni for everything now, so that's why I haven't been posting anything. And we had no internet left. So yessum. I sound like a crappy 14 year old, excellent.

**TRIGGER WARNING FOR SIMULATED RAPE (and ensuing discussion of it and other rape related things)**

I assume this video sums up the objectional stuff:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QOVcgOwquDA

That actually pisses me off. I love Amanda Palmer, I like her whole philosophy of life/art, The Dresden Dolls self-titled is probably one of the most amazing things I've ever heard, and I'm actually quite upset that this happened. It was just that bit too far. I think I could've done with the shot-gun wedding part, but the fucking simulated rape, really? Gah. Just, what the fuck. So disappointing.

And, to have that attached to a 'fuck prop 8' banner (which was an amazing cause) just makes me hate it all the more. Fuck this. To give in to memes: kill it with fire.

And you know what's the kicker? I'm upset that I'm not more upset. As I sit here thinking about it I wonder if had I seen this live, would I have been angry, or would I have laughed with everyone else in the moment and not thought about it?

I see what they're trying to do here, to provide a counter to Katy Perry and her 'sexy but a 'good' girl' image (that I do find completely frustrating and backward myself, but that's another thing), which is ultimately a good cause. But to try and take her down by simulating her rape, they should know better; like one of the youtube comments pointed out: Rape is actually not hilarious.

Amanda Palmer is known for her dark themes yes, and that's what a lot of people love about her (including me). It's totally relatable in some ways, and often heart-breakingly beautiful in my opinion, that's definitely a huge part of the charm. The difference as I see it is this: usually there's some context. You have songs like 'Missed Me' and 'Lonesome Organist Rapes Page Turner' that describe very emotionally instances of psychological and physical violence, and although some of the lines may seem light-hearted there is always a sense of dread in the music or the tone of her voice, you can feel the pain and suffering in the songs. No matter what she's saying, it's definitely a serious matter. There's a careful juxtaposition of lightness and darkness that makes them beautiful. Put against this one of her solo songs, 'Oasis': the story of a date rape turned aborted pregnancy. Although the themes are complex and gory, the up-beat tempo of the song plays against what she seems to put forward as the happy end of the story; although she is drunkenly raped by a thug and becomes pregnant, she goes to a sexual health centre and everything turns out ok in the end (with a little help from the band Oasis).

In these facts I find closure, we see that there is seriousness where there ought to be, lightheartedness for a highlighting purpose; everything so far I find justifiable (some will not agree, but this is my opinion, although it isn't very carefully thought out I admit). Now here is my problem with this video: none of that is there. There is no context for this act of (simulated) sexual violence. There is no seriousness. There is no art. This is plainly humour at the expense of rape as revenge, nothing else. As much as anyone wants to see Katy Perry get off her (speculatively: religious and sexist) high horse, no one should be condoning rape. Let me say that again. NO ONE SHOULD BE CONDONING RAPE. Period. In this culture where rape culture is more dominant than a culture of consent, where somewhere between 1/3 and 1/6 women will be raped in their lifetime, no one should be throwing rape around lightly.

Ok, that's all I've got to say. If anyone actually cares to give their opinion or ask me something about this then go right ahead, I'm happy to discuss this with anyone. As you can probably tell I'm just forming my opinions myself, this is the first I've seen of this video.

Here are some gifs that give you an insight into my head right now:

xx
s-a

(Holy shit the gifs actually work!)

Rape culture and what it means to me

2011-02-13T06:31:00.001-08:00

I've had these discussions before regarding jokes/light-heartedness about rape (although slightly different context) with a few of my friends, and it has predominantly been long and intense because as always there were different opinions involved. But the thing that has still really stuck with me about it was from the first time I'd had a full blown debate about it, where it pretty much ended the other person saying "I'd challenge that there is a culture of mistrusting victims", and at that point it was obvious to see where the heart of the argument was. Consequently, when it got to that point I actually felt lost; I didn't really know what to do because here was someone who I know is an intelligent, nice, socially aware person, saying something not only so completely opposite to what I felt strongly about but something that actually made me feel like they were not getting the gravity of it, like they were unwittingly part of the seemingly global glazing-over this issue that people are so intent to leave alone. How could someone that's generally a level-headed person who I like and respect have a view so completely conflicting with my own? At this point I had an attack of self-doubt, so I did what any self-respecting nerd would do, I jumped on the internet.

I spent the better part of the next day using my research skills (thank you mum and Ms. Tarr) to try and prove that I'm not just going insane, despite the nagging feelings of obsession and mania (maybe I was going hysterical, damn uterus). My first port of call was statistics; although to begin with I wasn't quite sure where to go, the Australian Bureau of Statistics and a few sexual assault support websites proved very helpful. Although as with all things the statistics often vary slightly from place to place, the information was on the whole quite frightening. Here are snippets of what I found (note that some of the points are from different sources/studies):

Males are less likely to identify sexual contact they had with an adult woman when they were a child as sexual abuse. Up to one third of boys who identify as being abused say curiosity led to their participation in sexual contact with older females.

In over 90% of reported cases, females used persuasion rather than actual or threatened force when committing an offence of sexual abuse [with a minor].
Men are one and a half times less likely than women to report rape to police. This makes for an extremely small figure, given that only between 5–10% of women report rape to police.

5.5% of men reported experiencing sexual violence after the age of 15, compared to 19% of women (remember these figures do not include people abused before the age of 15 when reading).

Men who report being raped are more likely than women to have a weapon used against them and to receive injuries. Note that it may be that men are more willing to report a sexual assault to the police if a weapon was used and they received injuries, as their masculine identity is less likely to be called into question.

Male victims were more likely than female victims to see charges laid (27.1% compared with 14% for females).

No male victims were charged with false reporting or were involved in cases where police doubted their credibility.

Sexual assault is a frightening and sometimes life-threatening violent experience. Later on, memories can resurface and impair a victim's ability to function.
Research indicates that Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) affects about 25% of people exposed to traumatic events with a higher prevalence in rape victims, with about one third of rape survivors developing PTSD (Keane, Weathers & Foa, 2000).. Avoiding stimuli involved with the event can mean stopping to go to particular places or not listening to specific music. Arousal can include a constant level of anxiety and alertness.
Statements like “she shouldn't have been dressed like that”; “she is my wife/girlfriend”, “he’s too young to have been out by himself that late”; “she shouldn't have hitchhiked”; “he shouldn't have had so much to drink” suggest that the behaviour of the victim allowed the assault to happen. Two different issues are confused. One is ‘vulnerability’, and the other is ‘responsibility’.

According to recent findings, reporting rates for sexual assault have increased from 15% (Australian Bureau of Statistics Women’s Safety Survey, 1996) to 19% in the Australian Bureau of Statistics Personal Safety Survey 2005. However, this still means that 81% of sexual assaults are not reported (note this is sexual assault and not rape). Personal barriers include victims thinking it was not a real crime, that they dealt with it themselves, that they regard it as a private matter, felt same and embarrassment and did not want family or others to know. Fear of reprisal and self blame or blame by others for the attack also kept victims from reporting. Justice system barriers are beliefs such as fear of being believed by police, thinking the police would or could not do anything, fear of the legal system, thinking there is a lack of proof that the incident happened and not knowing how to report.

Despite these developments rape and sexual assault is still a topic that is not openly talked about in our community. Many survivors find it difficult to tell friends and family for fear of being blamed. The media contributes to this silencing by writing articles or making comments that perpetuate myths and misconceptions that locate the responsibility for the rape or sexual assault with victims/survivors
Research consistently indicates that sexual violence is mostly perpetrated by men. The ABS Women’s Safety Survey 1996 found that99% of the perpetrators of sexual assault were male.
A Victorian study into the health costs of violence measured the burden of disease caused by intimate partner violence (violence by a current or ex partner).. found that intimate partner violence is the highest contributing factor to disease and premature death for Victorian women aged 15-44 years, higher than known risk factors such as high blood pressure, obesity, drinking and smoking (Vic Health, 2004).
In 1991, the number of findings of guilty as charged was only 4% of the number of rape offences reported to South Australian police (Heath & Naffine, 1994). Conviction rates have fallen since this time. Over the decade 1993-2002 the rate of convictions as charged for rape and attempted rape has fallen from 3.1% in 1993 to as low as 1.6% of the number of offences reported in 1998 and 2001.
False accusations of rape are only 2-8% of all reported sexual assaults. This is no higher than false reports for any other crimes. A primary myth about false rape reports focuses on the belief that women “cry rape” because they are seeking revenge on men who have wronged them in some way. However, according to this study, the reality is that the vast majority of false allegations “are actually filed by people with serious psychological and emotional problems.” And notably, people who falsely file claims usually do not name specific individuals, but instead “involve only a vaguely described stranger.”
The ‘Unwanted Sexual Experiences Survey (Yarrow Place, 2000) was one component of the Young People’s Rape Prevention Project conducted by Yarrow Place in conjunction with three inner city university campuses in Adelaide. The survey was used to gather data about the nature and incidence of sexual harassment, sexual coercion, sexual assault and rape for young people aged 18-25. 83.8% of females and 47.4% of males reported at least one unwanted sexual harassment style experience. The more serious the nature of the experience, the closer the relationship between the perpetrator and the victim is likely to be.

Suddenly it was all there. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, rape myths, men being afraid of reporting rape for fear of having their masculinity impeached, and this is just the main parts of the 4.5 pages of notes I'd gathered in one day of searching.

There are so many more important points I could make here, about how rape is not always done with brute force (as came up recently in America to do with legislation on abortion rights), or how rape affects men and the perceived ideals of masculinity, how rape myths are used by the courts and the media to badger witnesses, or why trigger warnings are important to avoid the even greater mental distress of victims to name only a few. There are so many facets to this whole rape issue, more than I am willing to cover in one blog entry. I can only hope these scraps of information are enough to paint a picture and get people interested in the issue at hand. The way I see it, we are not as a society taking rape as seriously as we should be, otherwise the statistics wouldn't be so damning. Sadly, I even think it's to the point where we have to be told not to rape, and likewise told that getting raped is never our own fault, despite the media archetypes about men 'needing' sex and women just being the vehicles of that need, passive and uninvolved. We need to stand up to the pervasive myths of rape culture, because that's what this is, a culture where rape is swept under the rug and reinforced by things in everyday life. A perfume bottle placed over the crotch of a naked, muscular man, or likewise on just one part of a woman's body (which you can bet won't be the face) on a billboard advertisement. Adolescents being taught how to not get pregnant or sick rather than being taught how to actually have and enjoy sex in school. A little girl being told to sit down so she doesn't ruin her dress while the boys go play outside. A person at a social gathering saying that the girls involved in the Julian Assange court case where just 'dumb skanks looking for a quick buck' or that "those bitches probably loved it". All these things, no matter how seemingly harmless individually, build up to a climate where no one wants to come forward about rape, and without dialogue this isn't going to change.

So once again that's why I'm here, to get people talking, including (if not especially) those who think I'm wrong. I know I take a huge risk when I write anything here or on the feminist network about this stuff, especially when I state my own perspective, because the discussion on this topic has always been heated and surely will continue to be into the future, regardless of the slow progress of mankind towards equality. Whether that is because people are sucked into some elaborate and pervasive system of lies on either side (which is the usual fall-back accusation for everyone) I guess we'll find out, but that's what I'm here for. I've officially signed up to have my beliefs, facts, ideals, rants and rhetoric scrutinized by anyone who cares to look upon them, because I am entirely serious about all the issues that come under the heading of feminism and to a greater extent equality (not just of biological gender) and so I feel that that is what I have to do. I'm not content with living in a world where only a few select people are privy to the same nagging irritations of inequality that I have, with no way to combat them in our minuscule numbers. There is strength in numbers and knowledge, at least that's what I'm betting.

I guess that's all I wanted to say for now. I've been threatening for a while to post this blog and I think it took a bit of anger and persistence to drum up the motivation, but everything in good time I guess. Comments are welcome (although whether my explanation will be any good is another thing) but preferably on the feminist network or directly to me via facebook/email/txt because then I will actually read and reply to it. Also it's highly likely that I might some spelling/grammar/logic errors in this piece so feel free to point them out too (although I don't know why I'm setting myself up for this, one of those 'don't hurt me if I'm wrong!' things I guess). Anyway, digest and enjoy.

Sources:

-Study of Reported Rapes in Victoria 2000-2003, the first extensive analysis of police investigations into 850 rape offences in Victorian more than a decade

-http://www.livingwell.org.au/Generalinformation/Statistics.aspx

-http://www.virtualmedicalcentre.com/healthandlifestyle.asp?sid=42&title=Rape-Management#C5

-http://www.yarrowplace.sa.gov.au (various pages)

-http://www.awolau.org/2010/04/05/myth-busters-false-rape-reports/

♥

2011-02-08T03:42:00.000-08:00

I want to have friends and experiences like this. And I want to wear tutus. I want to go missing for days on end and go to places I've never been before. New towns in nowhere. Inter-state. Overseas. I want to go to hotels, I want to go on car trips, I want to ride and blast the music as loud as it will go. I want to draw and dream and live like dreams are reality in progress. I want to use film cameras and only make beautifully simple photographs. I want to remember everything, but I would rather just feel them. I want to do these things without caring. I want to wear red lipstick with white dresses. I want to wear only one colour at a time. I want to go out with people and not have to say a word but just feel the wind out of a car window, find the nearest town, buy a wedding dress from an op-shop and stay the night in a room with one bed. I want to live the life I don't feel that I'm leading. I want to live this beautiful life and not worry that I'm not taking enough in or that I'm not feeling enough or that I won't remember it later, to just breath and take it in.

s-a

Going to see Black Swan for the 3rd time tomorrow

2011-02-08T00:23:00.000-08:00

(click through for link to where I found the images)

That is all.

s-a

Gello Bar with Zorro and Delphine

2011-02-07T23:57:00.000-08:00

s-a